The dilemma of “Why can’t you?” by Erum Inam

School kids running in schoolyard

Criticism, arguments, and discussions if not executed constructively then it’s not just waste of time but it also keeps a deep negative impact on the individuals involved in it. Comparison however is another factor that if not communicated with the correct tone can make things more than worse for the one compared. Here, forget about the adults let’s talk about the core of the problem where it all begins “CHILDHOOD”.

Expectations Vs Realities

Do you recall holding your report cards in your hands and thinking of which rank your parent would put you and in case if you were an average kid struggling with your studies then you must be suffering from the trembling, fearful experience before you can be presented for another comparison by your parents/ family after already facing it at school. Expecting Ducks to fly high or Giraffes to climb trees and monkeys to swim in deep sea in order to prove their efficiency is not just unfair but a sign that the minds expecting such are insufficiently cultivated enough.

Lifelong Learning

Comparison is the destruction for your child’s self-esteem and to mention again if not executed in the correct tone. Remember, every learning happened to a child will remain with them for the rest of their lives. Getting themselves compared and questioned about “Why can’t they?” will lead them to the darker phases where they might develop characteristics like explaining themselves for every situation even if it’s not required at all or sometimes when they are incorrect but struggling to accept their mistake as they have this feel of being not good enough. Moreover, they will ultimately develop to be an insecure person who could not take criticism even if it’s given for their good.

Now imagine if these kids with such comparison experience grow up to be individuals and then face the noise the real world would give them. The tools that they were supposed to have to defend themselves are Missing ……! Thanks to the very conveniently chosen COMPARISION as a solution to make them better human beings that they experienced in their childhood which left them with nothing but a demotivated hesitant mindset. Enforcing the child to answer the devastating question of “Why can’t You?” is making them being hard on themselves.

Let Them Grow !!

I remember reading this international online tabloid that reported about 10,000 students committed suicide in a period of past 10 years according to 2020 data. Imagine these 10k students could have made difference to the world in a positive way if their confidence was raised and handled in a matured way. Insecurities are natural instincts in human nature but atleast we can teach our children how to face it with courage and higher self-esteem. So let our children grow like those beautiful shining daisies that face the sun with confidence and strength.


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